Before & After
by Kanon Anderson
Summary: It was a new ritual, one started after. Before and after. The same two people defined by one event that had changed everything. Sequel to The Life Before You. Recommend reading that one first.
1. Chapter 1

02/14/2014

"If I hadn't been shot, would we be married by now?" Her question caught him off guard. Looking up, he met her olive eyes, clearer than before, but darker after the shooting that had claimed her memories.

"Probably." His answer was short and honest. Not even a breath taken before answering. Nodding, she looked back down at her hands, trying to imagine a diamond ring on her finger. Not a big, flashy ring. Something small, but elegant. Something she could wear to work, if she ever worked again.

"I would have taken you to Hamptons," he said, answering the question he knew she was too afraid to ask. "Probably go in the fall, when it's cool and not too crowded yet. The leaves would be turning and the nights perfect for a fire." He had proposed to Meredith in Paris. Gina in Rome. Both engagements grander than the one before. Never had he proposed to anyone in the Hamptons. That was his place, their place now. Too much like a second home to start an engagement that would lead to a marriage and end in divorce. "It'd be dark and I'd probably cook your favorite chicken parmesan. A bottle of Chateauneuf. Mousse for dessert. I'd want it to be about us…nothing over the top." She smiled and ducked her head, trying to hide the blush that graced her olive skin. That's how she had dreamed it in her head; ever since she had wrapped her head around the man that sat next to her being in love with her. Something grand, but not showy. Less his style and more about her's.

She wanted to say she would've said yes. But the truth was that she wasn't sure what she would've said. Didn't remember the turmoil she'd felt just before the bullet hit her head. Forgot about the argument they had had earlier that morning. The love they'd made the night before wiped from her memory forever. So instead, she changed the subject. "I always wanted a dress that isn't white," she said, "Something demure and not too big. A small wedding…my dad, family and friends. Lavendar roses and purple bridesmaid dresses. Cupcakes instead of a really big cake." He smiled and closed his eyes for a moment.

He could see their wedding. See her smile, taste their kiss. The smell of her hair as he buried her nose in it during their first dance. "What kind of wedding would you want?" It was his turn to meet her eyes, watching him with innocent curiousity.

"One where I'm married to you." Reaching across, he took her hand in his and squeezed tight. Pressing a kiss to his cheek, she squeezed back, then pulled away to tug on her jacket. It was Sunday and he had promised to take her to the park.


	2. Chapter 2

03/16/2014

He watched as she took the bag of feed from the machine, grinning as she walked over to the small petting zoo. Taking a handful of the feed, she held it out for the small lamb to begin eating. This was one of her favorite things, feeding the small petting zoo that frequented the small park not far from the loft. It was a new ritual, one started after. Before and after. The same two people defined by one event that had changed everything. The Kate Beckett of before would've preferred to be lazy on a day like. The hustle and bustle of the week gradually wearing her down to a warm and sleepy mess by the weekend. The Kate Beck of after had woken him with pancakes and coffee, the glee of knowing what the day meant showing on her face. Sometimes, he wouldn't trade this Kate for anything. Then there were others, when she got frustrated and bored of not working that he wished nothing had ever happened to her.

He smiled as she looked up, beckoning him over. There was a new sheep this week. How she could tell, he never knew. Reaching out, he ran his hand through the thick fleece, laughing as the lamp tried to nip his hand for food. Taking a small palmful out of the bag, he held his hand out. "Where were you just now?" He turned at her soft words, noticing she had her bottom lip between her teeth. A habit that had carried over from before.

"Just thinking," he said, pressing a kiss to her temple. "You hungry or want to walk for awhile?"

"Walk," she said, brushing her hands together to get the remaining food off her palms. He did the same then used the hand sanitizer he carried with him, handing the bottle to Kate before taking her hand. "Maybe to the Met? There's a new Monet I'd like to see." The Kate from before coming through. Linking their hands together, they took off down the road, headed for the Met.

The day had worn her out. She lay curled up next to him on the couch, her head on his shoulder, the book she had been reading on her chest. The bullet had taken more than her memory. It had claimed her stamina too. She was getting better, able to make it to nearly three before giving in to exhaustion and requested to return to the loft. She had napped for an hour, then woke to eat the Chinese food he had ordered before falling asleep on his shoulder at a quarter to nine.

Finally setting his laptop aside, he shifted to take her in his arms before carrying her up the stairs. After a month with her own apartment, she had decided to finally take Castle up on his offer to live in the guest bedroom. Her place had been too quiet and too silent. The Kate of before would've relished in the silence and solace. The Kate of after enjoyed the sense of home that permeated every corner of the loft. The one thing that remained the same was that she still needed her own space.

Laying her on the bed, he took of her shoes and pulled the covers back and over her. She woke long enough to give him a sleepy smile, half heartedly reaching for his hand as he pressed a kiss to her forehead. He lingered for a moment longer, then pull away. She was lost to sleep again. Shutting the door, he returned to the living room and took his laptop into the bedroom. Two chapters were due the next day. He was done with one and two sentences into the second. Leaving the door open just a crack, he changed and brushed his teeth, sitting propped up against the pillows to type out the rest. Keeping one ear out for Kate, he wondered if this would be one of the nights were she would creep into his bed.

It was close to midnight when she came to him, shivering and hair damp from a shower. That was something new. A shower when she woke up from a nightmare. He had questioned her once, only to be told that she couldn't seem to warm up. Sliding over, he let her lay in the warm place left by his body, wrapping her up in blankets and his embrace. "You okay," he murmured, pressing a kiss to her neck.

"Yeah," she whispered, eyes sliding shut as the warmth that enveloped her began to take over. "Just a bad dream." Snuggling closer, she finally dropped off into sleep. That was something that stayed the same. Not wanting to talk when half asleep and still shaking from a dream. Burying his nose in the gentle smell of vanilla and lavender, he quickly dropped off to sleep.


End file.
